No Matter What No Matter Where

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hair Cut Day
March 2004, by Debe Haller

“And you shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up.” ~Deut. 11:19

During a recent visit to the hair salon I observed the most interesting behavior from a child. Actually, obnoxious is a better word to describe the actions from this young boy. I flashed back upon difficult moments I experienced as a parent during each of my four children’s young days of testing me. Any challenging behavior my children ever exhibited, whether in private or public, paled in comparison. As the events unfolded, I knew that upon later reflection, there would be a lesson to be learned and maybe even a smidgen of humor to be savored.

The cheerful young boy, accompanied by an older woman, appeared eager for his haircut as he climbed into the chair and had the cape placed around his neck by the stylist. As she began with the electric clippers around his ears and neck, he expressed decisively that he did not want her to use the buzzer, but only scissors. As the equally determined stylist continued with clippers from one ear around the back of his head to the other ear, his frustration was evident as he quickly folded his arms, began to fuss and complain, and scrunched up his face in anger. Once again he proclaimed with unfaltering resolve that he wanted only scissors. As he was moving his head and reaching to protect himself with his hands the stylist, and the woman who brought him, tried to explain that the clippers were needed to even up what had been started.

Continuing to make a disturbance, he pulled off the cape and bounded to the floor. His guardian gently assisted him back into the chair as she explained to the stylist that he was apparently ultra-sensitive to the sound and feel of the clippers; the lady asked the stylist to use only the scissors. Nevertheless, the stylist attempted to convince them both that the clippers were needed to finish what had been started and scissors could not even up what she had already done to his hair. As she turned the clippers on he bolted once again from the chair.

The disgruntled young boy and lady made a hand-in- hand trip to the restroom. When they returned, he climbed back up into the chair and the stylist was made to understand that she was to use only scissors and to do her best with what she had to work. The stylist used scissors, but continued to pressure him with the need for the clippers for the haircut to look right. Her comments were refuted by the boy’s guardian, but they fueled the young customer’s discontent. The scene was such that every customer in the salon was caught up in the ruckus, which prevented any other conversations or thought processes.

When he was released from the chair, he stormed to the exit, spat aggressively at the door and, with his fist, hit each pane of glass as he passed by the front of the store on his way to the car. Observing the horrified faces of the other patrons, his caregiver apologized to the salon owner as she paid for his hair cut. She went outside and quickly returned with the somewhat subdued youngster.

He humbly apologized to the owner and to the stylist for his bad behavior. His guardian sent him to the restroom to get paper towels to clean his spit from the door. She sat and waited for him to return and follow her direction. When the patron sitting next to her looked up in amazement, the caregiver simply said, “He has a lot of issues.”

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.
~Proverbs. 15:1-2

I have been a mother for over thirty years. In my earlier years, I learned a lot about child training by observing, mostly in public, how other people’s children behaved and how the parent reacted. All too often the parent’s inappropriate reaction was far worse than the child’s action. A wise and calm adult can not only address the circumstance, but also prevent the situation from becoming additionally uncomfortable for all. I came to the conclusion that no matter how mild or horrific the negative behavior of a child-in- need-of- a-Savior is, the way the adult handled the situation made all the difference.

• It makes a difference if we are going to use each and every teachable moment (no matter how embarrassed we might be) to train the child.
• It makes a difference in our awareness as an adult of our need to trust God and seek Him for wisdom in every circumstance.
• It also makes a difference for the innocent observers who will have their own opinions as to how the situation was handled. Are our other children watching us? Will strangers learn something if our way of handling inevitable childish misbehavior is positive and appropriate, or will they be tempted to call Child Protective Services? We are in need of our Savior’s wisdom, grace and mercy and may have a chance to share from whence our strength comes.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

~Psalm 34:19

The experience in the hair salon was more than a casual observation. It was a personal experience I had recently with my seven-year- old grandson, Bryan Lee Haller II. As our first born grandchild, I quickly discovered my love and bond with that newborn baby, affectionately known as Bubs, was as instant and strong as my love for my own children. Only as grandma my maternal wisdom and experience was humbled by the reality that I had no jurisdiction or authority in his life.

It truly had the appearance of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad hair cut experience. I was being watched not only by the owners of the salon and every other patron, but more importantly by my misbehaving grandson, 14-year- old daughter Becky (who understandably wanted to become invisible), and almost three-year- old granddaughter, Ashlen, who would not leave my side. I could tell by all their faces they were anxiously awaiting my every word and action.

Only by the grace of God was I able to maintain my perspective and priority to use the situation as one more opportunity to teach the precious child in whom God had placed under my care. My awareness of my responsibility to impart God’s truth as well as my understanding of the child’s needs, helped me to not react out of my own embarrassment. We know our children, and sometimes, as in this case, grandchildren. I know the young boy who was pitching such a fit in the salon chair. I know how sensitive he is to sounds, smells, contact. I know the struggle he has to communicate because of a phonological speech disorder. I know that he thinks “if he had only behaved better” his mother would not have left him, his father and little sister less than a year ago.

Knowing his pain, I recall the words of the narrator from the Nicholas Nickleby movie as the opening scene showed a baby immediately following birth,

“What happens when the light first pierces the dark dampness in which we have waited? We are slapped and

cut loose. If we are lucky, someone is there to catch us and persuade us that we are safe. But are we safe?

What happens if, too early, we lose a parent? That party on whom we rely for only everything? Why, we are

cut loose again and we wonder, even dread whose hands will catch us now.”

But God has a plan and purpose for each of us. As parents we have the privilege to “catch” our children and grandchildren and lift them to the Lord.

When Bubs went to collect paper towels to clean up the mess he had made at the entrance to the salon, I felt the need to respond to the astonished customer who continued to stare at me with her mouth gaping open. I quietly said, “He has issues.” Boy, was I serious. For a moment my flesh did not want anyone to know I was actually related to him. I was tempted to say I was an occasional volunteer grandmother who had just picked him up from the local needy boys’ childcare facility. But I refrained from uttering such words knowing full well that it was not true. Funny, in a warped sort of way, but in no way true. We all have issues! God ordains our issues. God is our strength and our source. Our issues are not excuses for poor behavior no matter how old we are. No matter what, no matter where, we must do what is right.

We will not always be there to help solve our child’s problems, nor should we be. Therefore we must teach them early how to trust God and go to Him and His word for guidance. As parents we must trust God in the dark for what He has shown Himself to faithful in the light. He is our strength and source for everything. We must constantly go to Him and we must take our children (and grandchildren) to Him with every little thing or big issue. God is in the business of growing us all up and conforming us to the image of His Son our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

After having my daughter, Becky, read this account of what she lived through with us, I asked her for additional scripture suggestions. Without hesitation she replied, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

In all seriousness, as Christian parents, we are in possession of God’s adequate resources for all seasons of life and for all circumstances. God sees our tomorrows more clearly than we see yesterday. We have no room for hopelessness because of God’s faithfulness and truth. No matter what, no matter where, “Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord.” (Psalm 31:24)

 

*2017 Update Note: A multitude of challenging circumstances with Bubs have been ours to experience since that day in 2004. I became aware of the Autism Spectrum, specifically Asperger's Syndrome, and began a quest for knowledge and understanding into Bubs’ perspective on life. For the past twenty years I have been blessed with consistent opportunities to be a very active influence in Bubs’ life and teach him about perspective, his and others.